Every day seems same yet I have grown different. I watch same things around yet they are getting changed. I experience happiness everyday yet my life seems to be storm stuck. I try to understand my family, friends and people around me each day, each moment, yet I can’t comprehend whatever comes in my mind. I know I overthink and overanalyze stuffs but don’t you think it’s impossible to control emotions flooding in and out of us?
I live in a beautiful city, Pune. Its weather will make you fall for it. Besides, living on outskirt of city gives you freedom from all day long nuisance. So, I am happy here. I should be. But am I? I constantly dwell between meeting my manager expectation from me and my own expectation from me. Because these expectations are different from each other. I can’t keep my manager happy if I try to keep myself happy. As I hate to spend all my precious days sitting in front of something which can do nothing of its own except ruining my mood. Believe me, it’s tiring as hell. Sometimes, I freak out. But in the end it is my only source of income, ignoring perks from dad.
So today my roommate is leaving for her hometown. And the not-so-good part is that she won’t be back. I am supposed to behave nonchalantly and I am doing so while my head throbs. This storm is taking me away, yet again. I am not a person who cries over everything in life but I am that person who cries before anything happens in life. After that I am back to a vivacious woman I have always been. But this transition consumes me. Like any other human right now I am chiding myself of attachments I create with people when I know they will leave one day or another. I am angry with myself for expecting nothing to change when I knew this was inevitable. In short, I am angry with myself for no good reason. So I rise from my bed to the window. Small things make me happy like the cold breeze clinging on to me as I slide the window pane. I am totally in love with this new large window full of space for me to look at and retrospect. Sometimes, past hits you harder than any other storm.
Looking at you friend
Take me to the time
Which once seemed to have
Amidst all this, there’s a positive ray, like always. When I look back I observed that this isn’t the first time someone going to leave me. Actually in past few months, many of my friends and colleague has left. And you know what life moved on. I moved on very impressively. I am better than yesterday with so many memories that I would cherish my whole life. All those separation, stress and sadness have made me grow. I am growing with it and through it. I grew to understand when someone leaves they leave behind their packet full of memories for us. That’s it all about. They teach us how to move on, to next moment to create another memory. Isn’t this life? We become so busy nagging about life that we forget all these are happening just to make us better. These things are giving us opportunity to change ourselves and attitude towards life. Why do I have to be morose when I have so much to cherish. My life is still full of colors. I have made so much of memories that are priceless. It’s worth the pain, separation and challenges I faced so far. Now, when I reckon my treasure, I have someone to call anytime. I have someone who cares when I cough. There’s been always someone beside me despite of people coming and going from my life. I have my own set of constants. Everyone have. We need to focus on them. Because sometimes the person with you leave while you’re busy with someone who has already left.
That’s what life, in the end, taught
It’s just full of memories in a box.